Laura Guckian For my family, Christmas does not always look or feel like the magical moment we see everywhere else. I am autistic and I have ADHD . All of my children are autistic and my eldest also has ADHD. As a neurodivergent family; control, organisation and routine are essential. Over Christmas, those things often disappear and that makes everything harder. On top of that, there is constant societal pressure to create the “perfect Christmas” – that is simply not possible, especially for families like ours. If this resonates, here are some of the things that I do to make the Christmas holidays feel a little bit easier and more enjoyable for my family. Here’s hoping it might help yours too. 1. Ditch the ‘shoulds’ One of the hardest parts of Christmas is trying to meet unrealistic expectations. We are told to create magical moments and deliver perfect experiences. For me, not just as someone who is neurodivergent but also as a mother, those expectations are impossible to meet and create huge pressure. The first thing I do is ditch the ‘shoulds’ and remind myself that there is nothing I should be doing over Christmas. That helps reduce the pressure and gives me permission to do what works best for my family. There is no right or wrong way to celebrate Christmas. There is only the way that is right for you. 2. Create your own traditions When I first became a mother, I felt huge pressure to recreate the Christmas I remembered from my own childhood. But our circumstances are very different now and, as a neurodivergent family, we needed to create traditions that work for us. For example, we do not have a big traditional Christmas dinner at the table. We eat Christmas lunch whenever we want, and we eat whatever we want. For my children, who have strong food aversions and sensory challenges, that might mean plain pasta, because that is what makes them feel safe and comfortable. The same goes for presents. There is no big moment where everyone has to get up at the same time and sit together. My children wake up and open their presents when they are ready. Letting go of traditional expectations allowed me to take back control and build new traditions that make Christmas as special as possible for our family. 3. Set boundaries on visitors This was something that fundamentally changed our experience of Christmas. In the early years of motherhood, when I was trying to manage nap schedules and sleepless nights, surprise visits felt overwhelming. It is lovely to see friends and family, but for us as a neurodivergent family, unplanned visits do not work. As someone who is autistic, I need to know who is visiting and when. Now I have a clear rule that visits must be arranged in advance and spread out over the holidays. This means we never end up with too many visitors in one day. Every family can benefit from protecting their time and energy. Christmas is about spending quality time in a way that feels good. If visitors are overwhelming, it is okay to set boundaries. It is also okay to say ‘no’ altogether. 4. Have a pre-Christmas partner chat This is about creating a safe space to talk about what you both want for your family over Christmas, what challenges you think might arise and making a plan for how you will handle them together. As a neurodivergent family, when our routine is out of sync and our needs are not being met, Christmas can bring stress. Talking openly beforehand changes everything. It means your partner knows how to support you and what to expect. Many couples experience conflict over Christmas. For us, having this conversation in advance stops that from happening. Share what you want from the holidays, share what you are worried about and make a plan together for how to manage the more stressful moments. 5. Be kind to yourself It is okay if you find the Christmas holidays stressful. It is okay if you do not find them magical. At the end of the day, Christmas is just another moment in time. Do not allow those feelings to create guilt or give your inner critic more power. Everyone’s experience is shaped by their unique circumstances. If you are part of a neurodivergent family, or if you are navigating something else that makes this season harder, it is okay to feel that way. It is only for a couple of days. In January, normality will return in whatever shape or form that looks like for you. Do what you need, protect your energy and be kind to yourself. Christmas does not have to be perfect to be meaningful. It just has to work for you. Laura Guckian is a motherhood coach and maternal mental wellbeing expert, founder of Mind Mommy Coaching and host of the British Podcast Award-winning podcast Momfessions . Listen here . Related... Meltdowns In Kids With AuDHD Are Never 'A Choice'. This 1 Response Can Help I’m The Mom Of 2 Autistic Kids — And This TikTok Trend Has Me Horrified 12 Things Never To Say To Parents Of Autistic Kids