A parents’ group chat is a unique social experiment where parents will meet people they would never talk with otherwise – for good reason, as actor Ashley Tisdale (who now goes by Ashley French) recently detailed in a personal essay. In a piece for The Cut titled “ Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group ,” French said she thought her new moms chat would become her “village” until she realized that it appeared they were talking about her behind her back in a way that felt “too high school.” “I remember being left out of a couple of group hangs, and I knew about them because Instagram made sure it fed me every single photo,” French recalled. But not all parent group chats are full of ostracising individuals who are nicer online than they are in person. Many parent chats are in fact helpful, nurturing and necessary to maintain as children attend sports and go to schools with complicated schedules. But know that you’re not alone if you find some of the members off-putting or strange. “Group chats are a microcosm for real-life social dynamics,” said Sarah Lebovitz Suria , a licensed psychologist who works with families. “Different people have different sorts of social goals or logistical goals [for being in the chat], and so it’s a neat forum to be able to think about who you want to be.” Parents and psychologists share the most common types of parents in a group chat you’re likely to meet. See which one you are – and which one your frenemies are too. 1. The Bragger Braggers are seeking positive feedback from parents, and they might not stop until they get it. Braggers who love to share their child’s accomplishments can cause the most friction in a parents’ chat, Lebovitz Suria said. Braggers are people “whose intention is to get positive praise and affirmation for something their child did,” she explained, and when that doesn’t happen how they like, these braggers may lash out and cause frustrations within the group. 2. The Historian Historians are the most valuable players because without them, the group would fall apart. They are often an experienced parent who is the “keeper of the knowledge” and knows exactly what to gift teachers and what the school administration is really trying to say, said Alex Morgan, co-host of the Mambition podcast and a parent who is in a WhatsApp group for her child’s school. This archetype is “the one with the knowledge and the prior experience when the rest of us are all just following along.” Kandice, a Dallas, Texas, mom who asked not to share her full name, became the keeper of knowledge for her 9-year-old’s gymnastics team group chat because her daughter has been on the team the longest. She knows when families can only pay cash for leotards and coordinates practices with coaches. “I’m always in the loop. But that can be exhausting,” she said. 3. The Cheerleader Cheerleaders keep the group chat alive and will immediately reply when no one else will. “If you say something, she’s going to give you a heart or a thumbs-up, but she’s also not going to ask any questions. She’s also going to read the information. So I don’t mind that,” Kandice said. Lebovitz Suria calls these communicators “the affirmers” because “they’re using emojis or they’re just using positive reinforcement.” But be judicious about whether every message merits a reply if this sounds like you. Constant affirmations that are the exact same message can be distracting to others in the group chat. “People are doing it because they want to be seen saying the nice thing. But when you’re doing that, you’re also blowing up someone else’s phone,” Morgan said. “Being economical with how many messages you send is a crucial aspect of these groups that I think is missed.” 4. The Lurker This parent will never chime in, but that doesn’t mean they’re not reading what you say. These folks value the logistics and the planning that Historians might do, but they’re not going to do the heavy lifting themselves. Often, these silent observers “want to sit and take in the information, and maybe they’re not comfortable in real time immediately responding,” Lebovitz Suria said. If you’re this person, a parental group chat might be strictly transactional. “You just want the information, but you don’t want to get involved. You want to wash your hands of all the drama,” Morgan explained. 5. The Toxic Excluder Ashley French said the toxic Moms in her group chat "led to cliques forming within the larger group." This is the parent personality type French said she dealt with, according to her own post she wrote . “In my mom group, I started to notice that certain people would get talked about when they weren’t present, and not in a positive way. I realised that there were group text chains that didn’t include everyone, which led to cliques forming within the larger group,” French detailed. “And after the third or fourth time of seeing social media photos of everyone else at a hangout that I didn’t get invited to, it felt like I wasn’t really part of the group after all.” This personality can be toxic and draining to deal with long-term, and in these cases, you can leave these groups for your peace of mind, as French did. When French believed she was being purposefully excluded from hangouts, she called it out and left the chat. “This is too high school for me and I don’t want to take part in it anymore,” French said her mic-drop message to her Mom chat stated . 6. The Panicker “There’s definitely always a Panicker because of the anxiety that people get around their kids’ events,” Kandice said. This is the parent who will frantically worry if flights will sell out for a team event, for example. Often these are newer parents to a school. “They’re always like, ‘So what’s happening about this weird day? ... They’ve all got to wear red. Why?’” Morgan said. Sometimes Panickers would be calmer if they simply just read the answers that were stated previously. When this happens, Kandice said she just sends screenshots of her answers. “I’m like, ‘I’m not retyping this again.’ ... I just answer their question with the screenshot.” How to manage different parent group chat personalities Not everyone can opt out completely from a parent group chat, though. If your kids are in school or in a sport, some parent chat participation is unavoidable. For some, “you absolutely need to be in it, because otherwise, your kid’s never going to go to a party, or they’re not going to know about certain things,” Morgan said. “It’s the price I must pay for my child to go to bouncy castle parties every weekend.” To manage conflicting personalities, you need to know how to regulate your own emotions. Or as Lebovitz Suria put it: “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” “People are incredibly impulsive on these chats,” Lebovitz Suria said. “Thinking before you speak is a really important skill in real life and over text, and I think sometimes people have a hard time doing that.” Kandice said when she sees a parent’s reply that might spike her adrenaline, her first thought might be “Didn’t I just tell you that? What the hell’s wrong with you?” and in those cases, she gives herself a time-out before responding. “With the group chat, there’s always one parent that’s like, if you say go left, that [they] want to go right. And so I’ve learned that even though I see it immediately, I take 30 minutes ... And then I come back, and I’m like, ‘Hey, so I totally get what you’re saying,’ and then I get my HR voice going.’” Or you can put the group chat on mute if it gets overwhelming, as Morgan does sometimes. “Don’t get more involved than you need to be,” she advised. Related... 6 'Invisible' Household Tasks That Drain Mums' Time And Energy Mums Are Sharing When The Mental Load Peaks – And I'm Exhausted Just Thinking About It 'It’s The Ultimate Insta vs Reality Moment': The Quiet Struggle New Mums Don’t Talk About