Though closeness is an important part of a great relationship, the cofounder and COO of Fresh Starts Registry , Genevieve Dreizen, says that privacy is key, too. “As a person who spends a great deal of time helping people navigate life transitions and emotional crossroads, I always remind people that privacy is not a threat to intimacy,” the etiquette expert said. In fact, she calls it a “necessary ingredient” for a healthy partnership. Perhaps that’s why Redditor u/taliv_03 said she feels so “disgusted” after learning that her partner had been rifling through her diary. Writing to the forum r/TwoHotTakes , the original poster (OP) said that she first suspected him of reading her journal about a month ago, when his jokes about her changed. Here, we asked Dreizen to weigh in on the tricky situation. OP’s partner began joking about details only shared in her journal The poster, a 27-year-old woman, said that her partner (a 29-year-old man) had been together for a little over a year when she noticed the change. Throughout that period, she had a paper diary that her boyfriend knew about. It is a “non-negotiable” for her, she says; her partner had previously “teased me [about it] once in a sweet way, calling it my ‘brain compost bin.’” About a month ago, though, she started noticing something strange about her partner’s jokes. “We were with friends, and he made a joke about how I [research] symptoms for my cat more than for myself... It stung because that exact line was in my journal the night before, word for word,” OP wrote. “A week later, he told this story to my sister about how I still feel guilty for breaking a snow globe when I was five. I have never told that story out loud, only wrote it down after a therapy session.” Two nights ago, she said she walked in to see her diary open on a coffee table in front of her. He claimed he had moved it to save it from the cat, she said. After he mentioned yet another private musing, though, she raised her suspicions with him, “and he got defensive, said I should not write things down if I don’t want them to be ‘found art’, and that I was overreacting because ‘partners should not have secrets.’” Since then, OP writes, she has felt “disgusted and stupid, like my safe place just got ripped open for someone else’s stand-up routine. “At the same time, I keep wondering if I am making this bigger than it is. Is reading a partner’s journal and then using their thoughts as jokes a hard deal breaker, or something you can actually rebuild trust from?” she ended. “This is a boundary violation” Speaking to HuffPost UK, Dreizen explained: “When a partner reads your diary, they aren’t just crossing a line of etiquette; they are trespassing on the internal space where you tell the truth to yourself. That space is sacred. “A diary is not a shared document, not a negotiation, not a relationship ledger.” And when someone snoops in your diary, “You’re dealing with a breach of trust that destabilises the foundation of emotional safety in the relationship.” It turns a private space into an arena where you suddenly have to worry about leaving yourself open to teasing and jokes, the expert added. “That kind of emotional exposure can make you question your reality, tiptoe around your own inner world, or feel ashamed of feelings you were never meant to defend. “The injury is not just about the reading – it’s about the casualness with which your boundaries were dismissed, the entitlement to your inner life, and the refusal to take accountability afterwards.” For her part, Dreizen said, “The first step is acknowledging that this isn’t a difference in opinion about privacy. This is a boundary violation. The partner’s belief that ‘partners shouldn’t have secrets’ is a misconception wrapped in control. She said that in this case, repair is only possible once OP’s partner has proven that he understands that he’s wrong and why and has taken concrete steps to change. Dreizen asked the poster, should she wish to give her partner another try, to say something like, “I’m open to moving forward, but only if you take responsibility without minimising and commit to respecting my boundaries. What steps are you willing to take to make that happen?” Related... The 6 Issues People-Pleasers Bring Up The Most In Therapy Is Your Child An 'Otrovert'? 9 Signs Revealed By A Psychiatrist Family Therapists Have A Name For The Family Member Who Is 'Always The Problem'