Asking for a friend: ‘My son has just been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. My husband also got tested and has ADHD. How will all this affect our relationship?’

Q: My husband and I recently had one of our children diagnosed with autism and ADHD. It was a long time coming, as we had suspected for a while, but it has also resulted in additional surprises that we didn’t prepare for. The specialist said that parents can often have autism or ADHD themselves, and encouraged us to get tested too. My husband did, and it turns out he has ADHD. I don’t want to get diagnosed. I’m worried about dealing with anything that comes up, and I figure that I’ve managed this far. He is happy to have gotten his diagnosis and is spending all his time learning about ADHD. I don’t know if I want to know, and he doesn’t seem to understand that. I am worried about the impact this will have on our relationship. It’s going to be hard dealing with our child’s diagnosis, and now we have to deal with my husband’s, too. I don’t know how this will impact us and I don’t know how to cope with this.

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