The Huffington Post
If you’re anything like me, you’re always on the lookout for new parenting tricks and tips to help make your life calmer – and your kids happier. I recently stumbled across something called the 7-7-7 parenting rule, where parents aim to spend seven minutes in the morning, seven minutes after school or work, and seven minutes before bed connecting with their child. Over the course of the day that’s 21 minutes of undivided attention – and experts say it can work wonders for their behaviour . Dr Sasha Hall , a senior educational and child psychologist, tells HuffPost UK the idea draws on attachment theory. “When children experience regular, undivided attention, it can strengthen emotional security and support regulation,” she explains. “Over time, this can reduce behaviours linked to seeking attention, as the need for connection is being met more consistently.” The benefits of the 7-7-7 rule If you’re juggling work , household responsibilities and family life, carving out this time and embedding it into your routine can give you something concrete to aim for, rather than a “vague sense” that you should be forming deep connections with your child all day, says Dr Hall. “Instead of repeatedly saying ‘just one minute’, and feeling they have fallen short, it creates defined moments where attention is fully focused,” she adds. The timing of these moments can also support key transitions across the day. “A focused period of connection before school can help a child feel more settled when separating,” says the psychologist. “Time after school can support decompression. Connection before bed can help with emotional settling and winding down.” For children who have siblings, and feel like they receive less individual attention, carving out this one-on-one time can also be beneficial and reduce fights. “Having protected moments where a parent is fully present and focused on one child can strengthen the parent-child relationship and support that child to feel seen as an individual,” says Dr Hall. “It shifts them away from being experienced as the sibling who joins in, towards being recognised in their own right. “When a child knows there are moments where they will have a parent to themselves, it can lessen the drive to seek attention in other ways.” The challenges of the 7-7-7 rule Obviously, if you’ve got multiple kids, carving out 21 minutes per kid over the course of the day can quickly become unachievable. “Parents may find themselves trying to repeat this several times in the morning and evening, which is often when time is most limited and stress levels are higher,” notes Dr Hall. There is also a risk that it becomes too rigid. “If parents feel they must stick to it in a very fixed way, it can add pressure rather than relieve it, particularly for single parents or those working long hours,” she adds. What if this doesn’t feel achievable? The psychologist suggests a more realistic approach is to build connection into routines that already exist, rather than adding extra pressure. “For example, the school run or pick up can be used as a point of focused attention, without trying to manage other tasks at the same time,” she says. Short bursts of focused attention, or ‘micro-moments’, can also be very effective for parents, notes Dr Hall, adding: “These might include eye contact, physical closeness or following the child’s lead in play, even for a brief period.” Instead of choosing three points in the day, parents could narrow it down to just one or two, such as the start and end of the day. Child psychologist Dr Becky Kennedy , founder of Good Inside, calls it “special time” and previously said it’s the “best bang-for-your-buck” parenting strategy, helping kids who struggle to listen, are being angry or rude, or having constant tussles with siblings. She suggested even just 10-15 minutes of special time can be beneficial. The key is to give them your undivided attention – no phones, no distractions, no siblings. “For families with more than one child, it may be more achievable to rotate one-to-one time, so each child has predictable opportunities for individual attention across the week,” Dr Hall adds. Ultimately, every parent is doing their best with the resources they have. Dr Hall suggests our focus can be less on meeting a fixed time target and more on ensuring children regularly experience moments where they feel “noticed, valued and responded to”. Related... I Just Learned About 'Potted Plant' Parenting – And Let Me Just Say, No Thanks I Tried Positive Parenting. It Transformed Our Morning Routine Koala Parenting Sounds Lovely And Cuddly, But It Could Be A Recipe For Burnout
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