The Huffington Post
Many parents of children with ADHD will have noticed sleep can be a tricky area (to say the least) – research suggests up to 50-70% of kids with ADHD have sleep problems. It’s perhaps unsurprising, then, that the following morning, they can really struggle to rise and get ready in a timely manner. This can make getting to school or childcare on time a stressful – sometimes seemingly impossible – experience all round. Dr Chris Abbott, chief medical officer at Care ADHD , says they consistently hear that mornings are “one of the most stressful pressure points for families”. Psychotherapist Gee Eltringham agrees that mornings can be “incredibly difficult for people with ADHD, especially children and teenagers ”. But if your child seems unable to wake, or is constantly distracted, emotional, argumentative or slow to get moving before school , she stresses “it is not usually laziness or defiance”. “Often, it is their brain struggling to transition into the day,” she insists. Why are mornings hard for kids with ADHD? Dr Chris Abbott explains that for many children with ADHD, “mornings are less about ‘getting up’ and more about a slow neurological switch from sleep to activation”. There are a few physiological factors behind this. Firstly, ADHD is associated with a naturally later internal body clock . “The brain struggles to produce melatonin at a typical time, meaning children are genuinely wired to fall asleep (and wake) later than neurotypical peers,” he says. Children with ADHD might also have racing thoughts, which can make it difficult to switch off at night. And kids who game or scroll social media before bed activate the brain further, which in turn makes morning waking harder. Eltringham, who is also the founder of the ADHD tool twigged , notes that dopamine can play a big role in kids struggling to rise in the morning. “Dopamine is a neurotransmitter heavily involved in motivation, reward, attention, and initiating tasks,” she explains. “Dopamine levels are naturally lower in the morning, and for ADHD brains, which already struggle with dopamine regulation, this can make getting out of bed and starting the day feel overwhelming.” And then, even after we’ve considered all of that, there are several common ADHD-related differences stacked together at the same time which create this perfect storm for them struggling to leave the house. Kids might have difficulty transitioning between steps and get “stuck” moving from one task to the next, suggests Dr Abbott. They can also become overwhelmed from too many instructions. “Time blindness” (struggling to perceive how quickly time passes) can also mean your sense of urgency as their parent doesn’t naturally translate into action on their part. Children with ADHD might also experience emotional dysregulation on waking, “where frustration or anxiety appears quickly in response to demand or pressure”, he adds. Repeated prompting from parents can further increase stress and make functioning harder, rather than easier. “These aren’t isolated behaviours – they reflect a mismatch between neurodevelopmental needs and conventional morning expectations,” says the expert. But when families are supported with the right structures, mornings often shift from a daily point of friction into something far more predictable – “not because the child changes, but because the environment finally fits how their brain works”. Children with ADHD might struggle to get up in the morning. The expert-backed guide to make mornings easier for you and your child 1. Prioritise sleep habits and prep, prep, prep! Gee Eltringham stresses that “good sleep habits really do matter” – especially for kids with ADHD. She recommends having predictable evening routines, instating consistent bedtimes, making sure kids are getting enough sleep for their age , keeping the bedroom cool, dark and calm and limiting screens before bed (enforcing a “device-free” bedroom might help). Calming strategies like journalling before bed or “heavy work” activities (like wall press-ups, pushing against a wall or carrying weighted items) can also help them to power down for the evening. If your child becomes overwhelmed by a barrage of instructions in the morning, try to do as much prep the night before which can “dramatically reduce stress and resistance in the morning”, says Eltringham. Try to have: School uniform or clothes laid out Bags packed Homework ready Shoes and coats prepared ( try the launch pad trick ) Breakfast plans sorted. “The fewer executive functioning demands there are in the morning, the smoother things tend to go,” she adds. 2. Get yourself ready before the kids get up “Trying to organise yourself and manage an overwhelmed ADHDer at the same time is a recipe for stress,” says Eltringham, who advises parents to get up before their kids and get ready so you can be on hand to chivvy them along. 3. Initiate gentle wake-up mode Dr Abbott recommends reducing demand on your child’s brain at waking with gradual, low-pressure wake-up cues – gentle light (crack the curtains open a peep), calm sounds, or a consistent audio signal rather than abrupt alarms or verbal demands. A low-volume radio alarm clock could be a good shout. He also advises creating a buffer of 10-15 minutes before instructions, screens, or tasks begin, which allows the brain to transition more naturally into an alert state. 4. Adjust your expectations One of the most important things parents can do is understand executive function age, suggests Eltringham, who says “a common rule of thumb is that ADHDers can be around 30% behind their chronological age in executive functioning skills”. In theory, this might mean a 12-year-old may function more like an eight-year-old when it comes to organisation, time management, emotional regulation and independence. “Most parents would not expect an eight-year-old to independently manage an entire morning routine without support yet many expect this from a 12-year-old,” she says. “When expectations become more realistic, frustration often decreases for everyone.” 5. Build in time for connection Kids are far more cooperative when they feel connected – and Eltringham notes that even spending just 5-7 minutes connecting in the morning can make a noticeable difference. This could be: a cuddle in bed, a quiet chat over tea, a quick card game over breakfast, or even just sitting together. 6. Keep the morning structure predictable Get yourself a morning routine hashed out – and stick to it. Visual routines can be a real help – “a simple chart or checklist removes the need for repeated verbal prompting and gives the child something external to follow, reducing reliance on working memory,” says Dr Abbott. 7. Use a timer instead of a warning Mitigate against “time blindness” with a visual countdown timer, which replaces abstract urgency with something concrete and predictable. “Setting a five-minute visual countdown for getting dressed or brushing teeth is often far more effective than verbal reminders alone,” says Eltringham. 8. Avoid escalating prompts We’ve all been there – you’ve asked your child to put their school jumper on for the 20th time and you’re just about ready to implode. Your child, meanwhile, is getting more irate at your increasingly urgent demands. Dr Abbott says repeated instructions tend to increase stress and dysregulation, making it harder to function. “A calm, consistent cue is more effective than a louder or more urgent one,” he says. 9. Remember: novelty, challenge and purpose Eltringham’s golden rule is that “ADHDers are motivated by novelty, challenge and purpose”. “Their brains constantly seek stimulation and dopamine,” she explains. “If they cannot find dopamine through positive stimulation, they may unconsciously seek it through negative stimulation instead, hence arguments, conflict, silliness, or chaos. This is why mornings can quickly turn into battles.” She recommends using dopamine-friendly strategies like setting challenges (“can you beat the timer?”), using novelty (“we’re having pancakes for breakfast if we get ready quickly”) or purpose (“your sister really needs help with her reading this morning, you’re so good at helping her”). Eltringham caveats that once a strategy becomes predictable, it may stop working, so routines often need refreshing. The therapist notes that many children with ADHD will need support in the mornings long after their peers seem independent. “That is okay,” she says. “Do not punish them for struggling with skills they genuinely find difficult. Instead, focus on supporting them, scaffolding the skills they are missing, and gradually helping them build independence over time. “They will get there – just on a different timeline.” Related... 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